I tell you, I would rather have a calendar and a to-do file than to not have anything happening in my life, but once in a while, it is nice to not have so much going on. There are the things I want to do that are so fulfilling like having lunch with family or friends, making changes to my house decor. Then there’s the necessary stuff like regular checkups and paying bills. But there are other things that I just groan about having to do that are necessary. Then I think to myself that at least I have the money to pay the bills. I have the brain power to think and plan and carry those things out. I am mobile. I can take walks. I can go places on my own. I have loads of fun stuff to place in between those not so fun things. I have three wonderful daughters, wonderful cousins, wonderful other relatives. I have a great little dog although at times his eating habits and stomach issues worry me. I have internet. I have phone. I belong to groups. I could go on and on and on. One day some of the things I do today I will not be able to do in the future. Who knows? I feel deep gratitude for the ability to do even the smallest thing or have the ability to get the help i need when there is something I cannot do. Giving thanks today with a grateful heart.
Have you ever bitten your tongue or cut you nose off to spite your face? One is a metaphor for keeping your mouth shut when you want to say something and the other is a metaphor for doing something that doesn’t help your situation but makes it worse.
Sometimes you need to keep your mouth shut. You should know those times but there are times when you need to speak up and you should know those times as well. How many times do we get that backwards? Sometimes you need to shut your mouth and jump out of the emotion long enough to use your guts, your head, and your common sense before opening your mouth and speaking up. It’s always a good idea to cool down, find love or understand somewhere inside of you and lead with that. It’s not always our words but how we use and deliver them that determines the outcome.
What about the times when you poison yourself, so to speak, when you keep making choices that bite you in your rear because these choices were made in the heat of sexual or violet or angry passion? What about the times when you don’t want to face your own responsibility for doing exactly what you know is going to give you nothing but grief in the long run? That being said, if some people didn’t open their mouths when they knew they would be in danger or ridiculed or in prison some social changes would not have taken place. Some laws would not have been changed or revised. Progress would not have been made.
So we come to the word discretion and the word discernment. Use your powers of discretion and discernment when making choices. The only other choice is to let your passions and your ignorance run your life. In those cases you usually take others down with you and you don’t get what you thought you wanted in the end. Some nooses are not quite so hard to slip out of or to tolerate while you rectify, as best you can, the choice that you made, while others will surely suck the life out of you. Try not to be the snake that bit his own tongue and poisoned himself.
Last night I climbed into bed (because I am that short and the bed is that high) I opened my book, read a while and bid the light a good night as the time keeper called out the time of eleven thirty. I went off to dreamland where I’m neither here nor there until I heard the sky rolling out peals of thunder. It begged me to awaken. It was still not quite light outside. I wondered what time it was but sleep closed my eyes and I cared not. Later when sleep began to leave me and the consciousness of my material life coaxed me to stir and arise, I greeted my dog who lay beside me, rubbed his ears and petted him with love. Finally it was time to know what the keeper of time had on his numbers. It was nine twenty in the morning. Almost ten hours of sleep for me. Imagine my shock because I never sleep like that unless I am sick or under anesthesia. But ah, a rainy day doth make for a nest in which to curl and dream of a land far, far away.
I have had a very interesting day today. First I got the stitches out of my body and the skin is healed nicely. The piece they took out showed no cancer so, that was one of many nice gifts Today gave to me. I’ll be good to go for swimming in a couple of days so I probably won’t have an urge to swim. Yeah, that’s how I am. When I can’t, I want to and when I can I don’t want to.
After I left there, I decided to go to Bealls Department Store because my dermatologist is on the east side of Ocala where this store is located. So, it was fun piddling around in there for a while. My phone vibrated, flashed and belted out “da da da da dum. da da da da dum…” . It was a high school friend who was going to be in town for just a bit calling to see if I could meet up at Wendy’s, have a glass of something and catch up on old times around 12:30. I was pleasantly surprised and made plans to meet. I had some time to while away before 12:30 so I headed in the direction that eventually would lead me closer to the appointed meeting destination making a stop along the way. I had a check waiting for me in one of our used house furnishings stores. They sold a couple of things of mine. While I was there I looked up and my ex-guy was also there with little Abby, Ollie’s half sister. What a surprise. Chances of our having been in the same store at the same time are probably somewhere in one in a million. It was good to see him and I offered to hold Abby while he signed something. Abby wasn’t feeling very well but I loved holding her just the same. It was a brief and bitter sweet encounter. Another gift that Today gave me.
I met up with my high school chum and we talked about the “good old days” when we were growing up. So much to talk about and so little time but I got caught up on what was going on with some of our other classmates. He has a lovely wife and grandchildren he adores. What a pleasant little while spent in reminiscing about the way things were when we were young. It was the best of times. My generation were the youngsters born during WWII. The war opened up some possibilities that had been closed before WWII and my generation took that and ran with it. That was one of the first shifts that has occurred in the culture.
The meeting with my high school classmate was the third gift on the agenda this magical Monday the eleventh of August 2014. The day isn’t over yet so who knows but I am so blessed. Thank you Universe/God/The All That Is for Your many blessings and opportunities to experience and to feel all the surprises and gifts of being a human and of interacting with others.
Today is all we have; so, enjoy the gifts no matter in what form those gifts may arrive.
If you were like me growing up and even beyond sometimes all you wanted to hear from someone you loved and trusted was things like, “It’s okay”, “It’s alright”, “I’m here”, “I love you”. We like to think that no matter what has happened to us; no matter what we have done or said; no matter how different we are; no matter how unbelievable the story or situation, that someone cares. We want to know they are listening; they believe that it is real (for us if not for them); that they are with us; that even if they don’t understand, they are standing with and by us; that they love us no matter what; and that things are going to be okay, going to alright.
That is just so soothing and calming. First of all, though we may know that we are not alone and though we may know that the Power within us is with us (call this Power God or Love or whatever you wish), we want or need to feel it coming to us from another person or other persons in our darkest or scariest moments. We are never too old or too young or too brave or strong to not have moments like this.
Often times children or adults won’t talk about what they are going through or what has happened to them or is upsetting to them even though they crave to have someone put their arms around them and assure them in some way or another that everything is alright. It may be that they are afraid they won’t be believed or that if they are believed it may cause a worse problem. They may be called crazy or stupid or they may be abandoned in one way or another. Children still need people to take care of them until they can be on their own so they may worry about what the parent or person upon whom they depend will think or do. Will this person of these persons punish them. leave them, treat them like they are abnormal and need fixing, disbelieve them, disengage from them or make the situation worse?
As an adult, I have often looked to people who have been through something that I am going through or about to go through, to say something encouraging. I want to hear that I will survive it even if I know deep down somewhere in some part of me that I will get through it. Sometimes just to hear that other people have had some of the same experiences or problems is a blessing in itself.
A child needs to be scooped up in the arms of their parent when they are scared or hurt or upset or in pain. They need to hear soothing words. Adults need to hear soothing words and words of wisdom. We know the difference when other people’s words are empty or flung out with no great care and we know when they have true understanding and compassion.
The other side of the coin, is when you need this and don’t get it and have to somehow manage on your own. Perhaps not right then but latter, when you have come through it, you will see how you have changed for the better or could have, had you known how.
Come to the arms of Love and do not question in what form or from whom you will receive the knowing that everything is going to be, or is in fact, okay and so are you. I’s not only alright but it is all right.
Love does not come without responsibilities nor does it leave you without some consequences or restrictions. For example, I love my dog no matter what and that is the steady love, real love. But in the solid world, he has to be groomed whether I do it myself or I take him to someone. He needs food and water and trust me, finding dog food that agrees with his stomach and one that he likes is another matter. Just ask the pet store how many of their products I have tried and just ask my bedroom carpet where it got all those spots. He considers my bedroom as his own private barf disposal spot.
Then there’s the “take-me-for-a-walk” look that he burns into me. Now, I need the walk as much as he does and frankly I miss it when we can’t do it for some reason; but, in a thunder storm or 94 degrees with the sun still packing the punch of a fire ball from hell, I try to explain to him we can’t do it right this minute. Then I have to explain to myself why I am talking to the dog.
Then there is the anxiety he starts winding up when he sees me touching a travel bag of any size or type even if I am just moving things around in the house. Oh, and let me just start to clean my closets out or rearrange things and he freaks. Why? Because he thinks it means Pet Mom is going to go away for a while. Now, try to explain to him that even if I am packing for a trip on which he cannot go, he gets to stay with his second Mom and GrandMom whom he adores so he need not freak out. When I pack his bag he really gets excited; so, trust me, I do that at the very last minute before we go or his second mom comes to get him.
I wonder if all dogs have ADD? He can be sniffing the grass and finding just the right spot to do his business and suddenly he hears a neighbor close a garage door or leave their driveway in their car or the breeze comes his way bringing a wave of heaven knows how many smells to his dog nose and he totally forgets what he was doing. So then I have to remind him yet again, to go potty. Then we start the process all over again. I don’t groan out loud but it’s hard not to. But then I worry that the neighbors might think I am either in pain or having some kind of pleasure for them to talk about. Oh good heavens!
Then there is the come-on-Mom-let’s-play some more look or the I-want-in-your-lap look when I have just gotten up, seen to all his needs. All I want is time for my coffee and time to write. Those are my most haves. So I end up throwing a toy or ball for him to get (which he forgets to bring back and then I have nothing to throw). It takes a few minutes to get that message across that I need the toy back if he wants me to throw it. Then, after a few more throws, I I take one more sip of coffee and ignore further sad eyes upon me. I do have some boundaries you know. It took me a life time to understand boundaries and when and how to use them. I am a slow learner and Ollie is my teacher.
Ah, but the companionship, the laughter when he does something funny or cute, the way he adores me and appreciates my presence and love makes it all worthwhile. At night he curls his little body up against mine as we sleep and I feel well-protected and loved. I may have to pour out some money, time, effort and energy because I have this little fur ball and the responsibilities that comes with him but you can’t put a price tag on love.
I have a few Buddhas around my house. I have a few owls too. Both Buddhas and owls are inside and outside. I have more owls than Buddhas. There are people in this world who would not think a thing in the world about my owls but would react unfavorably to the Buddhas. Think about that for a moment. I am not a Buddhist but a statue of Buddha reminds me to be peaceful, to meditate, to be loving, and to be accepting. People who might have an issue with that probably have not read much about Eastern religions or Eastern thoughts. To me Buddhism is not a religion but a way of life, a way of living. Christianity should be the same and not a religion. Christianity should also be about being peaceful, loving, forgiving, and accepting rather than following rules and being offended by other ways of being a spiritual being.
Think about this also. There are people who are not necessarily practicing a Christian religion who put up Christmas trees, mangers, Christmas lights and decorations at Christmastime. Not putting them up does not mean you are not Christian neither does it mean that you are not accepting of other people’s beliefs if you are not a Christian.
Taking this a step further, I also own a couple of pairs of rosary beads and have a Bible in my home. No Buddhist would be offended or react negatively to those things unless they didn’t understand their own system of belief.
I don’t know do-do about calculus. Heck I can’t even spell it without spell check. So you won’t find me being offended or upset with people who do understand calculus and higher math and are gifted in that area while I am more right brained and artsy. Yeah, I know it is not a subject like religion or spiritual belief systems but you get the idea. Same principle.
If I put a Buddhist or other spiritual symbols in my front yard, I may have some complaints made against me. If I put out anything Jewish, I imagine the same thing would happen. If we have objections to spiritual objects other than the one that is the symbol of our own, we have to ask ourselves HONESTLY, why we do. Now in my gated community there may be bylaws of the community that does not allow certain things done to or around a house or yard such as color or size or what not. We have lamp posts we have to always have functioning to turn on at dark. I have no problem with that, But if you are decorating your yard or home with things that are not against the homeowners’ association, then said decor should not be a problem for neighbors. People can have their own opinions and beliefs. They can also be uninformed because they have already formed an opinion and are closed to any other possibilities. I say live and let live. If my neighbor is not hurting anyone, then please for the peace of God, let them alone.
I took another drive to the Honda dealership today. I got the second set of keys to my car-finally. The Accord to which my books and extra keys belonged is now back with that car and my car’s extra keys and books are back with my car. I was watching myself and wondering why I wasn’t raising cane because I had worked with them for a week or more trying to get this little thing solved. I just felt there was no reason to puff out my feathers and cause a ruckus. It just didn’t really matter in the larger scheme of things. Mistakes happen and no one deliberately did anything to me. Knowing this negates my need for anger and being impatient with the process. It saves wear and tear on me and everyone involved. Also, they were eager to make up for the inconvenience with no prompting from me and no one had to feel upset or blamed. I told my salesman that there was no need to figure out how this happened or put blame on anyone or any thing. I told him that what was important was that we got the right keys and books to the right cars. Ah, blessed peace. We can chose to be peaceful, to be at peace.
As I drove out of the dealership onto the six-lane highway, it seemed to clear quickly and I made a left turn without a problem. I have done it before but not so easily. I had no idea what I was going to do next but I found myself driving into a furniture store parking lot to see if they had platform beds. A lovely, kind, man who gave off honesty and calm, loving vibrations met me at the entry to the store. To make a long story shorter, I not only found out some information about the platform beds, I was able to make a decision that best suited my needs than the original idea that I brought to the store with me and less expensive as well. So now I will be replacing the bed I have with a new mattress set and frame that is lower to the ground for my short little legs. Perfect! My pleasant surprise/gift came as the gentleman and I were talking about various things other than furniture. It was no coincidence that I happened into that store today. He is on the same kind of spiritual wave length that I am on and the knowledge and experience he has, he graciously shared with me. These were things I needed to hear. He reminded me there is only synchronicity at work; not mere coincidence.
There is no way I can truly convey some things or experiences with mere words. How do you put something into words that is really not of the ordinary dimension? It’s like trying to nail jello to a tree. It is something you just “get”. You just know it. You experience it. When you are with someone who is full of unconditional love and presence you recognize it. You also know during the meeting that there are things that need to be said and need to be heard. Two “old souls” meeting is a happenstance that is deeper than words can convey. I will be returning to the store on the weekend to make my purchase. Meanwhile I left the store with a couple of hugs and still feeling that I had had an otherworldly experience. I was so happy to have been able to talk someone who speaks my spiritual language. I got in my car and drove home but I am sure I also was also floating and feeling blessed.
Just so you dear reader know, this is a connection that has nothing to do with a man-woman relationship (he is very happily married and I am happily single). This is a soul to soul connection. There’s nothing like it.
So take another look at your everyday mundane life because if you look and listen very carefully, you may find that underneath it all there are guiding and invisible hands influencing your life and infusing it with something far deeper than the ordinary.
We can’t go back to the places we have lived and find the life that we lived and were. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to go back and visit where I have lived my different lives. Some of the homes I lived in have been torn down, burned down, or are occupied by other families.
We can’t go back really. A good question to ask is why we would want to? For reconciliations? To fix the missteps? To swim in a familiar pond that might have yielded some loving times, warm times, times of feeling loved or okay. To go back and try to see things differently? To laugh or cry with joy or sadness about the way it was at times? To find the answers to the mystery of your self? To have made different decisions? To have stood up for yourself when you didn’t? To once more hug someone you have lost since then? To go around and clean up some of the poop you though was slung all over the house or to realize there was no real poop, only humanity not quite living up to its potential?
Sometimes it might be helpful to go back to the physical house and put the ghosts to rest that way. If impossible to do that, take a mystical, magical, meditation in the quiet of yourself. Ask the questions you want to ask. Say the things you want to say. Ask to see the bigger picture and to understand, to forgive, to let go of that which holds you back. Ask to have your heart opened to loving where the hurt or disappointment might have been. Ask to see all the blessings you did have, the love you did have, the people who gave you hope and encouragement that you may have forgotten and those who did show you kindness. As I write this I am reminded of a teacher I had whom I knew had an idea about the hurt and the loneliness I often felt. He knew I was at the bottom of the elite list of kids who had privileges and money or popularity. He knew that often I came to school with colds and chapped lips that were neglected or unattended as though I had some absences of parental due diligence. I could feel that he was empathetic and caring. I will never forget that.
You can’t go back. Why would you want to? But you can in your mind and heart travels remake, redo, re-evaluate, reconstruct, forgive, remember the blessings, shed any illusions about your worthiness or the poop you though was all around and being flung at you. Visit but don’t go back to stay. Your home is within you and the life you make this very day each and every day. Make it the way you want it but don’t lie about it. Be honest, be loving, and take care of you and remember that home is where your heart is not a building or structure. That’s a house. It is not a home.