I remember the first day of school like it was yesterday. My mother had walked me to school to show me how to get there. Back then I was one shy, scared little girl who had a very scary first day of school which did not help me by the end of the school day. The first thing that happened was traumatic for me. Our teacher gave out those big fat pencils they used to use and told us to put them at the top of the desk in the little dug out place. She told us not to touch the pencils until she told us to as she was giving them out. My desk was wobbly and be a nervous little kid not to mention that the seat was hard, I shifted my body a little. Because the desk was not seated evenly on the floor, the pencil rolled out of its nesting place and onto the floor. A nearby student told the teacher I dropped my pencil. By this time I had retrieved it and place it back in its place. My teacher came over to me and asked me to hold out both hands palms up. Being an obedient child and fearful not to, I did. I had no idea what was coming next but she took a ruler and soundly smack both my palms for having “touched the pencil” without her permission. It was all an accident but I sat there to stunned to cry or to explain. Welcome to school Brenda Osgood.
Finally the day was over and it was time to go home. i stood at the top of the steps of the school in a daze. So much had happened since I got to school that day. Now how do I get home? I think I cross the street and go to the right but I was probably so traumatized I just couldn’t think. I could not remember so I sat down on the steps and cried. I sat there until one of the cleaning ladies came out and saw me crying. She asked me what was upsetting me. After I told her I didn’t know how to get home she asked me who my teacher was. Oh my goodness, she was taking me to the woman with the ruler! Finally though, someone called my mother to come fetch me. Mom was VERY upset with me because you see, I had a little baby brother at home and she was freaking out about, I assume, that she had to find someone to watch him while she came to get me. So instead of comfort I was given a scolding because I forgot how to get home. One more nail in the coffin of self unworthiness that I would leave scars for a long time.
I was a child that felt every little thing deeply and took everything inside of me. I had dreams for years about being lost and not finding my way back home or being afraid of losing my way in every sense of the word. We didn’t have GPS until recent years so i dreaded driving where I didn’t know my way around for years. It became a part of me, this feeling lost and scared that I couldn’t find my way back home.
Today I am not that little girl who fears being lost. Today I know that there is a Light inside of me that guides me and no matter how many “wrong turns” I make or how long it takes me to get wherever I am either literally or figuratively going, it will be in the best way and the best timing. It is the LIGHT within us that shines on our path. Follow that and you will never be lost.