WHEN LOVE GOES AWAY

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”Kahlil Gibran

First of all, I must say that love never really goes away. Your feelings about someone can change or someone can change how they feel about you. Someone may move away from you. A relationship may end or, worse, someone that you love may die. But love itself never dies. When that love you once enjoyed with a person is not longer available to you, it feels as though part of you, that fire within you somehow has been snuffed out.

The very breath you take in to keep you alive and to calm you just isn’t enough to quell the sadness, the feeling of emptiness left in the quake of your world being turned upside down. Questions come like tormentors snapping at your heels and clawing at your already shredded heart. What could I have done differently? Could I have done more? Why did this happen to me or (in some cases) why does this keep happening to me? And you cry or scream or smash something depending upon the severity of the loss, because it is too great to push down for long. 

In any kind of case of severance between two people, there is an emptiness; there is grief to some degree; there can be anger; there can be disbelief and resistance to what is; there can be a part of you that wants to try to bargain for a different or better outcome. There is a complete change in your life and circumstances as that chapter of you life the way you knew it begins to transform into something completely different.

Each time it happened to me, and I knew that my life was going to change drastically, (indeed it had already changed to some degree) I did not want to go onto the “next” chapter when the last one was ending. During those times, I was usually dragged kicking and screaming into the space between chapters where I regrouped, re-organized, then finally accepted what was. Then I could start making small steps towards the next chapter of my life. Was it easy? No. How long did it take each time there was a shift in my life? It varied. No one ever knows how long these things will take. Was it one step, pass the test, go to the next and the next and the next? No. Each day was different. Sometimes it was a giant step forward or one backward. Sometimes I thought I was not to live through the pain. Sometimes I thought I would die. But all along there was a glimmer of hope, a desire to get through it all and to move into the new space. There was enough of that spark of hope and desire, to make it happen. The very love that I had within me, the love with which I had loved the person I lost was my saving grace. 

When tragedy of any kind enters into a life, people can stop living, they live but very unhappily, or they keep on moving on. They can let go of what was and they can seek a new life. Those who can make that choice to go on will step bravely into that new and unexplored chapter, and find a lot of challenges. They do, however, learn a lot, they grow, they expand, and they begin to make choices but most of all, they breathe and keep on going and they take love with them. Love never goes away.

 

 

 

LOVE AND BREATH

Breathe in the pain; exhale the peace. Breathe in the anger; exhale the love. Breathe in the fear; exhale the courage. Breathe in the confusion; exhale the need to know. Breathe in the hurt; exhale the compassion. Breathe in the disappointment; exhale the gratitude. Breathe in the prison; exhale the freedom. Breathe in the control; exhale release. Breathe in the hesitation; breathe out the steps. Breathe in dying; exhale life.

Breathe through the feelings – especially the painful ones – feel them, let them express then allow them to be transformed back into the silence from which they came when your thought gave them life.  Grieve them, allow them but do not make a bed in them.   Rather chose the place to lay your head and your heart that brings you peace, joy. and love.  Every though gives birth to feelings and feelings need to be acknowledged and allowed to have expression.  They are real and you are alive because of all feelings – both those you enjoy and those you do not.  Each feeling is just the flip side of the other and  within the whole of them is where your being springs forth and that being that you are is awesome, fantastic, beautiful, alive, full of promise, and precious.  Breathe that in and exhale the wonder that you are.

LOVE TURNED INSIDE OUT

I watched the movie “Anna Karenina” the one made for TV in 1985 with Jacqueline Bisset and Christopher Reeve. (So as to not to confuse with other versions you may have seen.) The tragedy of that movie in a nut shell was that Anna allowed the thinking and attitude about women, especially the aristocrats, of that time period – 19th century Russia in this case- consume her with guilt about all her “sins” until it drove her crazy and she threw herself under the train. Her head was full of erroneous thoughts, lies she told herself that all began with, in my opinion, thoughts that she must be punished for breaking the moral code and all for having desired to be with a man who loved her rather than one who thought of her as a trophy wife that was there to make him look good. Many things could be said about this movie depending upon where you are in your understanding of things including your own beliefs about the shoulds and oughts in your path. We all could probably come up with some different ideas and beliefs and thoughts about this version of the story of Anna.

In the long run, I think the most important gem this story has to offer is how we get so caught up in self-condemnation that we literally kill ourselves. That’s love turned inside out or backwards. Life is nothing but choices that bring consequences we are pleased with and those with which we are not pleased. How many have driven themselves mad or to self medicating or self-destruction because they condemned themselves based upon what others believed or what they think was believed about them because of their choices or some other reason?

When you reach that place of not loving yourself for whatever reason, you immediately start on the path of self destruction. You may gamble too much, spend too much, eat too much, risk too much, drink too much, abuse drugs,work too much, drive yourself too much, do unhealthy things, smoke, break laws, and/or project onto others your own pain and anger and do harm to others. Any o.f these will make your life miserable and even kill you. I invite you to consider not being an Anna.  Don’t get it inside out and waste your life.

PLEASE SAVE ME!

I cannot find my way out of this castle. The moat all around is filled with crocodiles, the guards are many outside of my room. and there are so many rules I tend to break so I am found guilty. The more I am found guilty the more guards there are and the more crocodiles there are in the moat. I used to run free. i used to chase the butterflies. I used to laugh with joy just to hear the music of my voice. But one day I heard the voices outside of me telling me I was not worthy to laugh, nor to fly and chase the butterflies, and that my voice was only noise. Now I am a but a moan in the wound of my soul.

It was the voices of society. It was the raspy growls of the crowd. It was the rejection of yourself that followed all of that indoctrination that built the castle, the moat, the guards and the locks that serve as prison. Free yourself my daughter for what you believe is in your mind, the mind that has been poisoned by a shadow they call ME. It is lies and they never were a part of you. Let the lies go, find ME within your heart. If you will do that, the castle, the moat, the guards will vanish and you shall fly with the birds and flutter with butterflies. You will soar above the raspy growls of the crowd and rest in the palm of the Love that you are. Let your voice spring forth from within you and let it carry the message that this freedom brings,

CHRISTMASTIME IS THE SPIRIT OF LOVE ANYTIM

It is truly Christmastime for anyone of any faith, religion, belief, creed, nationality, sexually preference or orientation, causes, past deeds, or future hopes and dreams anytime of the year when they recognize that all they are are Energy – loving, peaceful, powerful, joyful, quite, noisy, rambunctious, ever moving Energy in form – regardless of whatever labels, demands, or judgments they may place upon themselves, others or events. Any moment that anyone recognizes this, the gate opens, the jail door swings wide and they step into a freedom they never knew was so near, so reachable, so indescribable.

I wish for each of you that the precious gift of Christmastime may become alive and conscious within you. You do not have to have certain beliefs about Jesus or Buddha, or any form whatsoever in order to become a CONSCIOUS, ever moving, and free creation. Neither would your disbelief in any deity or form of religion or spirituality be an obstacle from experiencing the Energy that you are. It doesn’t require that you name It or worship It but rather that you become conscious of It and allow It to work in, as, and through you as you.

May you continue to experience the transformation from your Pinocchio puppet existence so that you can cut the ties of your socialization, indoctrination, and expectation so that you may become REAL and FREE at last in the Spirit of Love.

LOVE, FORGIVENESS AND GIVING THANKS

We are often thankful for the people in our lives who are kind and loving and we give thanks for their being in our lives whether it is for a moment, for years, or for a lifetime. What about those whose presence for a moment, for years, or a lifetime who have not been loving or kind or who kept getting into trouble and looking for us to bail them out? What about those who have betrayed you in some way? What about those who mistreated you, even abused you? What about those who have done things or said things that are totally contrary to your beliefs or ideas of how one should be, what one should or should not do, or should or should not say? What about those who may have snubbed you or left you out of the loop? Can you be thankful for them?

In my lifetime and yours, we will have people come into our “space” and we will experience pain, sadness, and sometimes anger. Maybe later we will feel regretful in some way or another because of what went on in the encounter. But it is when we begin to see that we are who we are and we don’t know why people say or do the things they do. We don’t know their story – not the entirety of it and what triggered off or is triggering off their reactions and decisions.

We really don’t have to know but sometimes it helps to know and understand better why someone might be the presentation of them that they are at any given moment. What we can do, however, is as quickly as possible reflect upon our own reactions to these people. Why are WE having this feeling or reaction to them? Because if we don’t understand what makes us tick, how can we possibly understand that other people are driven by things, just the way we are driven by different things, to behave or respond to events and challenges they way they are?

Do you just stand by when someone is going off like a time bomb or stay in situations that are not healthy? No. Should society allow others to continue to harm others when they are convicted of doing harm? None of us want that but can you find that Love inside of you that sees through what they have done while at the same time knowing that you or society can not tolerate the actions of this person? Can you REALLY know that but for some divine grace you could be that person or worse? Can you hold both of those ideas of the spirit and the flesh? It is possible but no matter how much you may want to do this, there will be times when you find it very hard indeed to do so. Some of you may not even want to learn to do so and that is okay but the consequences of that choice will not allow you to have the higher level of joy, peace, and love that you could be experiencing, Not that this is not present in your life, but you will not be able to experience it quite as well. It is like being in fog. You can see but not very well.

When the desire to be more than you are, to experience that awesome place or state of being, overcomes your personal and society human indoctrination you will truly give thanks for everyone and everything that has appeared and will appear in your life.

IS THAT REALLY ME? LOOKING AT LOVE FROM A MIRROR

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Facing the truth about something and yet keeping your “sunny side up” is a juggling act that is well worth the learning. I can’t say I have gotten there yet but I am working on it. For example, next month I have a birthday coming up. I love birthdays, don’t get me wrong and I appreciate the fact that I am still around on planet earth to celebrate another one. I am thankful for that because I still have a lot of living to do. I don’t mean just breathing in and out but gathering as many more people into my heart and life as I can; going places; doing things; having new experiences – in other words, not just watching the “cruise ship” leave the harbor but be on it. 

On the other hand, I look at my skin and my face and I see a woman past her physical prime. I used to turn heads when I was younger. Wolf whistles were not uncommon. I saw the appreciation in the eyes of men who looked my way. I grew up being taught that a woman is nothing if she doesn’t look good and draw the admiring eyes of the opposite sex. That is so ingrained in me (my human side) that letting go of being attractive in that sense calls for me to look at myself differently and to be satisfied with that. It is a time for me to remind myself that I have a beauty within that surpasses any physical beauty I could ever have had. But more importantly it is time I dropped this unimportant and ridiculous belief I have because it dampens my enjoyment of life a bit more than it should. Some women never have this particular problem I seem to have but trust me, there is something else they are in need of dumping. I don’t mean to leave men out. They have there own set of ideals as men.

As I age i find that there are a lot of physical, emotional, and idealistic clutter in my life. The more I let go of these, the better off I am. There should be some sort of ritual that one can go through that celebrates the shedding of things that belong to past chapters of one’s life and celebrates the different but good that is yet to come. I think I will get to work on that.